Suppressed Sorrow

I get to stay home from school! I get to stay home from school! I just thought I'd update since I don't have that much to do... Since Sunday night, I have had a fever and I feel generally weak. But, hey, if it lets me miss school , it's worth it. I hope it's swine flu... Then, my pig-ness would be complete.

Anyway, last Sunday, we attended a wedding. The wedding reception was held at Del Rio and the food was amazing. I can still taste the cream puffs...

Another thing, I am so addicted to the Pheonix Wright/Gyakuten Saiban/Ace Attorney series. I'm even crushing on one of the characters... The good news is, apparently, it's set in the future! Reiji Mitsurugi was "born" in 1992, which makes him only 3 years older than me! That means my crush is a little less unreasonable! BTW, My crush is not any more stupid than crushing on actors or singers... At least I know that who he is isn't just part of his image. And even if he's not real, most of the time, the personalities stars show aren't either.

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
9:26 AM

It hasn't even been a month and already, I feel exhausted. I haven't had time to update my blog with everything that's happened...

Anyway, about 2 weeks ago we had "Fun Day". It's mostly to make the freshmen feel more comfortable... I got on the pink team!!! Yay me! I only entered the skin the snake competition, though. It's so hot in that quadrangle... We won 2nd place! Eggnog wore a bikini in the "King and Queen of Fun Day" thing... I still don't know whether to puke or laugh.

Last Saturday, I met with Myrtle, Abbie, Jasmine, Justine and Kai in SM. We went shopping, got our pictures taken and did karaoke. Myrtle still has her singing voice; she was awesome! Anyway, I bought 2 tops and Ashley's debut abum. I've already got her 2nd one. (Right now, I'm addicted to Me Without You.)

And... my parents have let me use my credit card again!!! All restrictions have been lifted from me!.. on the condition that I can't celebrate my birthday party until my room is clean. It should be pretty easy. I plan to do it tomorrow if I'm not too tired. And I need new jogging pants. My black ones don't fit anymore. I saw a really cute pair in Gaisano, when we bought cloth for my uniform blouses.

Finally, today, I made water balloons and drew facial expressions on them. I neamed then Gilbert #1, Gilbert #2, Gilbert #3, Gilbert #4 the 2nd, and Gilbert #5 the 2nd. (Gilbert's #4&5 "died" i.e. burst.) I also have to do Physics homework and make a research propsal for the study I'll be doing individually until I graduate. That means if anything goes wrong I can't frame anyone...

Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know that I still exist and I still need to finish some homework. So... Good night!!

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
11:12 PM

I am frickin' mad right now at my school life. A really gross guy (gay, maybe...) touched my bag with his filthy shoe. And Diana, one of my supposed best friends is calling him her "best" (friend). I don't expect her to hate him because I do. (They are each other's destiny, after all.) But, I did expect her to give me a heads up if some maniac was contaminating my bag! Instead, she laughs like an idiot... Just last week, she was spraying his chair with Lysol and insulting them (behind their backs, of course) like hell. Now, she's all giggly at whatever she finds remotely entertaining. Our (me, Wendy, Nadya and her) seats are in the fifth row, four middle chairs. Mine is to the right of Diana's, on Wendy's left. To Diana's left is Nadya. Behind Nadya is Sheena. Behind me is Diana's "best" and to his left is his best friend.

Diana, Nadya and Sheena are always gossiping. About what, I don't care. I was taught that it's damn wrong to backbite. Honestly, the old me (I'm more mature now, remember?) would have just ranted about it with another classmate, sinking to their level. I just need to get this stuff off my head and anyway, I've decided that only my friends from ASIL, complete strangers and Gilbert can ever read a word of this. Anyway, it's really annoying. Like they're sharing some really annoying secret. Then, Diana would tell us something about what they were talking about. I just pretend to listen. Like I care if they have new codenames to make it easier to gossip in public. I love them and they are a lot of fun to be with but they're pretty inconsiderate. They don't care if they're doing something wrong (depends on how wrong it is) as long as it can get them some laughs...

Diana can't take anything seriously unless it has something to do with dancing. I have to admit, I was like that in 2nd year. But, I've realized how stupid it is to talk about secrets in public. It's like they're "pabati-batian"-ing others about their secret. And to top it off, what they talk about in private? It's stuff that involves the whole class. Like the culmi, intrams, etc. It's like they think the class might be interested in their lovelives and their trying to make the class more curious about that but hide their plans from the people the plans are for. I don't want to become like that. That alone is making me seriously want to transfer.

My day gets worse. We were given the choice of our electives. The electives were Tech, Math, Journ:Eng, Journ:Fil, Microbio, and Robotics. I picked Microbiology, Math, and Journalism English as my top three choices, in that order. I got Journalism English. Some people who got into Microbio aren't even interested in the subject. They just picked it cuz' it would be the easiest. It's not fair. I'm going to be a doctor someday!! I can't use Journalism in my chosen profession! Journalism isn't even scientific. Just because most of the people can't form a grammatically correct sentence, I have to write articles and stuff. I hate journalism! I only chose it because I expected to get into Math or Microbio. The robotics teacher is a really tough grader and I'm horrible at Tech. Filipino: no comment. I'm really not good with deadlines and journalists are always facing those.

How can I fulfill my goals if my elective isn't going to help me? I'll have to take nursing. That's how I'll get my revenge on PhilSci. Arggh!!! I don't care anymore. I'll just prove to the idiots there how smart I really am. In other words, I can't be lazy this quarter. I'll be a DL and then I drop out. That would be better revenge. Then I proceed with my dream to become CEO of Chanel...

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
8:48 PM

Tagged by Jeanne

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag your friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

If someone says "Are you okay?", you say?
Tied Together With A Smile: Taylor Swift

How would you describe yourself?
Just The Girl: The Click Five

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Suspense: Sugimori Masazaku

How do you feel today?
Invisible: Taylor Swift

What is your life's purpose?
Chemicals React (Remix): Aly and AJ Michalka

What's your motto?
I Will Be Me: Ashley Tisdale

What do your friends think of you?
Do You Believe In Magic: Aly and AJ

What do your parents think of you?
Bonus~Prosecutor's Path~Miles and Franziska: Akemi Kimura

What do you think about very often?
What If: The Cheetah Girls One World

What is 2 + 2?
Silence: Aly and AJ

What do you think of your best friend?
Never Far Behind: Aly and AJ

What is your life story?
Hurry Up and Save Me: Another Cinderella Story

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I Want It All: High School Musical 3

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Is It You: Cassie

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Can I Have This Dance: Troy and Gabriella

What will they play at your funeral?
Change: Taylor Swift

What is your hobby/interest?
The Blue Badger~I Want to Defend!: Sugimori Masakazu:

What is your biggest fear?
White Horse: Taylor Swift

What is your biggest secret?
New Classic (Acoustic Version): Another Cinderella Story

What do you want right now?
'Psyche Lock': Akemi Kimura

What do you think of your friends?
I'd Lie: Taylor Swift

What will you post this as?
Jai Ho: Pussycat Dolls

Some coincidences are just too scary:
~Tied Together With A Smile-...no comment... (It's to accurate to be believable...)
~Just The Girl- I'm cold and I'm cruel... o_O
~Suspense- *giggle*
~Invisible- Too true...
~Chemical's React- Apparently, I am going to become a scientist.
~I Will Be Me- It's kinda hard when I'm not yet sure who that is.
~Do You Believe In Magic- I do believe in magic.
~Bonus~Prosecutor's Path~Miles and Franziska- I'm not gonna be a prosecutor.
~What If- Thinking of dropping out of PhilSci...
~Silence- I need quiet to think! (Basic math is really the most complicated...)
~Never Far Behind- Awww... Would be so nice if that was true...
~Hurry Up and Save Me- Well, hurry up already!!
~I Want It All- Had too laugh cuz it's true!! (Then had to cry cuz it reminded me of Gilbert...)
~Is It You- I hope not... There's got to be someone better...
~Can I Have This Dance- It's like catching lightning...
~Change- Um? Does that mean I come back to life? (Cool! I get to be a zombie!)
~The Blue Badger~I Want to Defend!- I've become addicted to the Ace Attorney game series by Capcom.
~White Horse- But this has to be a fairytale! It has to be...
~New Classic (Acoustic Version)- I will never tell who this song is dedicated to.
~'Psyche Lock'- I already have too many to count.
~I'd Lie- Don't see a connection with any of my best girl friends but...
~Jai Ho- It means destiny...

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
2:06 PM

I used to be happy.

But couldn't face my fears.

I could laugh sincerely.

Without hiding tears.

Friendship is forever.

How could I forget?

It couldn't get better.

Now, life's become shit.

I'm not really shallow.

I do miss Gilbert.

Things that hit like a blow...

Not deep enough to hurt.

Pretend there's no weakness

Hide in a disguise.

I'm an okay actress.

They believe the lies.

I shouldn't be like this.

A fallen angel.

My life used to be bliss.

Life is a circle.

A/N: No one from PhilSci can ever read this!!!

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
10:06 PM

Well, school started yesterday... Already, I'm feeling bored, lazy and in sore need of more vacation time. I envy my friends from ASIL. They got an extra week. It's like any effect my summer vacation had on me has worn off, probably thanks to the SSIP. We have so many requirements to pass already. I have to finish my journal, post on our SSIP blog, find 4 scientific research articles, make a powerpoint presentation, have at least 10 pictures of our OJT with captions, write an essay on what I learned and pass them all by Monday. Thank God, Friday is a holiday so we got another weekend to work on things. No doubt about it, with PhilSci comes a lot of stress. And only two days into junior year, I'm getting affected.

Writing on this blog, accepting Gilbert's transfer and all my introspecting has made me grow. I'm much more mature than I was last year and I feel like I don't belong in PhilSci... In my opinion, maturity doesn't mean that you have to act grown up and have fun only through gossip and secrets. It's not caring who was right but being able to forgive the wrong. Maturity is more than being self-conscious about your appearance. It's about self-acceptance, knowing who you are, focusing on the good, improving on the bad. It's not about being able to exert your rights but respecting others'. Maturity realizes that the truth will always be more important than either side of the story.

I love my classmates but I feel so apart from them. We just don't think alike. That's why I loved Gilbert (as a brother) so much... Arguments with him aren't determined by the volume of your voice but by your words. I'm pretty sure that people gossip about our childishness while we talk about the meaning(lessness) of our lives. Which is why right now, I wouldn't trust anybody from PhilSci with the stuff I write here. I trust my closest friends to keep my secrets but I can't make them understand how I feel. And one thing I've learned lately, what (or who) most people don't understand or agree with, they automatically think of as stupid, unimportant, even false. They'll oppose and gossip about everything here.

I'm asking my friends from ASIL not to relink me just yet. Wendy brought her laptop with her. We got a wifi signal so we went online. I asked to check my blog. I trust Wendy. She always sees the good side in people. Unfortunately, someone else saw my blog on the screen. I'm pretty sure they took note of the address. That's the reason I had to change my URL. Somebody, I don't completely trust saw me checking my blog.

Anyway, I have a confession that I want only my best friends from ASIL to know about. I realized that, since Gilbert transferred, I can, too. I love Pisay and I know that studying there is an amazing oppurtunity. But I'm not happy. I saw that Abbie has been writing poems so I'm going to write one, too. Or not. I might not have any inspiration.

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
8:58 PM

I have been trying since Sunday to make a certain layout/blogskin work but everytime there's always an error with XML. Apparently, I need to "close the tag "body" with matching end tag "". I've tried saving the document to html and I can view it using both IE and Firefix. It works perfectly. I've tried other skins too. I can't make any of them work. It's always some problem with a non-existant end tag.

I download the BloggerMain version of the skin from BlogSkins.com. Then, I upload it to the Edit HTML part of the Template thing. Then, the upload is said to be unsuccessful. I've tried with about 5 skins. I didn't even edit the text on the other skins before trying them. What am I doing wrong?

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
8:45 PM

I know I haven't posted in a while but really, nothing has happened (to me, at least) that's even halfway postworthy. I ate, I bathed, I slept, I cried. What could I possibly write about. But school starts on Sunday and even though I'll have a way more stuff to write about, I'll also have way less time and energy to write. I figure I should remind whoever reads my blog that, yeah, I'm still alive. Actually, I'm posting because I caught Jasmine (using Tin's account) online. I asked her how to do something with my blog layout and she helped me. Thanks, Min!!! I saw tons of awesome layouts in blogskins.com. I'm thinking of starting more blogs so I can use more layouts...

Anyway, today I went to Doctor's Hospital today because my Lola had a check-up and she usually hears wrong and ends up making up stuff that the doctor supposedly said. My dad made me go with her because my titas didn't reply to his text message telling them about it and he wanted someone who could understand and relay the instructions and information. It didn't work out that well... I am freakin' pissed at... well, I guess my family.

First, Tatay told me we would leave at 11. Since it's summer, I sleep late and wake up around noon. (I should probably regulate my sleeping pattern because school starts on Monday.) But I figure, 11 am wasn't that early for me. I forgot the fact that my lola (Yes, I am mad at her, too.) has no life and looks forward to doing... anything. Surprise, surprise, this morning, I was woken up at 9:30 by our helper who said my lola had called for a taxi at 10 o'clock.

Still dazed, I picked my clothes and took a quick shower. I brushed my teeth, intending to bring some food and eat later on. I ended up hating the outfit I chose, realizing the shoes I was gonna wear were dirty and the black pants were shorts. I grabbed a skirt and another top that matched the bag I had prepared the night before. I ended up bringing combing my hair in the taxi.

By that time, I was already irritable because of my abruptly cut slumber and an outfit that didn't meet my usual standards. (I know. That sounds really vain but I spend enough on clothes.) I shouldn't have to look like I got dressed asleep (which, technically I was.).

Second, I brought a pack of Peanut kisses. When we got to the hospital, my lola got a wheelchair that sucked. It was so hard to steer and nang Nec said it felt heavy. That's what my lola gets for tipping the wheelchair staff one peso (sometimes, two). When we got to the waiting room in the clinic, Nang Nec realized that my lola was shaking and might be hypo (hypoglycemic, low blood sugar). I asked her if she was hungry, which she took as permission to mooch off my breakfast. Besides the fact that peanuts are bad for her, I was starving! Fortunately, being so pissed at the world made me lose my appetite.(I now know how people who go on hunger strikes survive.)

Third, the doctor said that since my lola's lab tests said her creatinine was still above normal, she should undergo another chemodialysis. (She was admitted in the hospital and had one last Tuesday.) I was hanging on to the thought of going home, eating food, and getting back to sleep as soon as this was over. A chemodialysis lasts 3 hours. Worse, my lola's dialyser stuff were at home. There's no signal there so I had to go to the first floor. Tatay recently bought us three red mobile SIMS. He used his red SIM for family only. He also wanted me to use mine. My cellphone has Windows Mobile so turning it on takes about as long as a laptop would take to boot up. I currently had my Talk 'N Text SIM in so I had to turn it off. The nerds at red mobile however, didn't have settings for the X1 yet since it's "new and high-end". (Bastards in telecommunication should keep updated with the latest handsets or are they saying red mobile is only for those with commonplace, ordinary, indistinctive cellphones?) I had to turn it off again and use my Talk 'N Text SIM.

Fourth, Nang Nec had to go home to tell Nang JM who would then go back to the hospital. Before she left, Lola asked her to buy food. She bought a siopao and I ended up eating one too. She left about 12:00. Lola's dialysis was scheduled for 12:30. Later, one of the nurses gave me the bills that we would pay. Tatay had told me he would pay for everything so I asked the nurse if I could pay later. She said yes but that I had to pay for the gauzes and some kind of tape already. So I went to the cashier on the first floor, I had to wait there for about 10 minutes. Then, I climbed the stairs back to the second floor. Then, lola said she was hungry so I had to go to the cafeteria (first floor) then back to the dialysis place (second floor).

Some time after 1, I got tired of waiting for Nang JM. So I went down to the first floor called Tatay and told him about it and he said as soon as he was done with his last 2 patients he would go straight there. His clinic is an hour and a half away. I called Nanay on the payphone and asked for Nang JM's cp # from her. I called her and she said she was already on her way so I relaxed a little bit. Soon after she arrived, the dialysis started and about an hour after that, Tatay arrived. He said he wanted to go to Robinson's to get a haircut. I was fucking tired and he wanted to try a new hairstyle!!! I told him I wanted to go home, though, so we went straight to Ledesco.

Fifth, and last (yes, I'm gonna stop bitching after this.), nobody has paid me back for the stuff I had to pay for or compensate for my lost sleeping time! I'd sue, except a bureaucratic battle with my legal guardians would probably just waste my money. I mean, seriously, the world has age discrimination issues.

Anyway, thank you Jasmine for spraying some odor eliminating air freshener on my day of complete shit. I love the new layout but I've found another cute one that will show my archives (not that I have much in them).

PS Anyone who's bored, doesn't hate HSM, and has the time, read What We Keep Hidden in fanfiction.net. It's my favorite fanfic ever.

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
9:24 PM