Suppressed Sorrow

Well, since I don't want my blog to end up not being updated in months (like it was before yesterday). I have decided that I will write a blogpost everyday. It will give me a chance to reflect and rant. Good for any emotional/psychological problems I may have but not realize. (I do realize my neurosis though and I acceot it as part of who I am.)
Anyway, there really wasn't much that happened today. It's my dad's birthday so we went to mass at St. Clement's ( I think, not sure about the name, really, despite my Lolo's ashes being there.) We saw my dad's so-on (don't really know what that relationship is). We gave her a lift but ended up inviting her to eat with us at Maki, where I ate Dragon Maki and Shrimp Tempura. We ordered food and then went to Krua Thai, where we ordered Rice Noodles with Seafood in Gravy, Fish in Lemon Sauce, and Beef with Mushrooms in Oyster Sauce, to go, for dinner at home. After that, we went to that store next to it, The Off-Price Store or something. We looked around for a bit, while waiting for the food from Krua Thai, and my dad ended up buying two pairs of pants and I bought a black sleeveless top, a black sweater/sweatshirt, and a purple skirt. We picked up the Thai food, went back to Maki and found that my lola and our 'guest' had eaten 3 out of the 5 tempura and one of the Dragon Maki, I ordered, when my dad had ordered some noodles for them. I was okay with it though cuz I had to leave room for the Thai food.
So yeah, that was my day. I tried finishing my Research but as usual, I'm braindead... Oh well... I'm about to try doing it again now...

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
12:00 AM

I just realized I never got to finish that blog post with the "to be continued". Well, long story short, Ma'am Cerla, our PE teacher and Commandant General, cancelled the whole thing. So, yeah, our sweat, money, time and in my case, blood, were useless. This whole thing caused my academic downfall because... I stopped doing research... *cue overdramatic music from corny horror movies (Tan-tan-taaaan)*
I've been having this sort of luck thing lately though, where I can curse people, don't laugh. I know it sounds stupid and totally 5th Grade, but it's worked thrice. First when, there's this rude, vain guy whose family owns a gasoline station or whatever who thinks he's really rich. He was always bothering me and once I snapped and told him, "One day, you're gonna be hit by a truck and die." This schoolyear he got hit by a delivery van and they almost had to amputate, he survived though... (Bummer.) I know, it really sounds dumb saying I could have caused that but how often does a vehicular accident happen within a mile-radius of school to someone you said would experience it.
Second, there's this girl in my class who can be pretty obnoxious and hateful to other people. One day we were talking about her and I said, "Her worst nightmare is gonna come true. One day, she'll be just like "the people she's complaining about now". (Names withheld to preotect the innocent, namely, me.) And she did. She started texting them, and hanging out, now she even talks like them.
Third, and kinda my revenge, and I have a witness to this one. It was after one of our forms for COQC. They were especially hard on us because like I said, the Barakos were being disrespectful. Well, afterwards, we went to watch the basketball game where most of the Barakos were playing in. They were winning. I was mad, naturally. They were the cause of the extra hardship I had to bear during the form. So I death glared one of them and started talking. The words just fell out of my mouth, actually. I wasn't even thinking of all the ways they should be tortured before ultimately being sent to their deaths by being covered with boiling hot gravy, then dropped from the rooftop of a 100-story building (which I will someday own) to a courtyard with bloodthirsty rabid dogs with really bad breath. Anyway, I said, "You're gonna lose this game. And because you are such inane babies who are sore losers, you're gonna go out and drink to forget it because you can't accept it. Then, when you'll go back to Pisay ( the boy's dorm, were most of them live), you'll be drunk. And you scum are going to get in a lot of trouble." When I left school, they were still ahead by 11 or so points.
That was a Friday. When I got back on Monday, I found out they did lose the game, they did get drunk, and they broke equipment in the microbio lab in their drunken state, effectively getting them in trouble. Tell me that last one wasn't just a fluke!!!
So yeah... Fear me, bitches!!! You really don't wanna get me mad... ;P

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
7:59 PM

I don't know why I feel so apologetic right now. I feel like there's something I should do or should have done. Or maybe it's because of what I'm about to do. I can't take it anymore, the prestigious school where students who are too honest to cheat get kicked out and those who aren't get a certificate onstage, the "friends" who swear they'll stand by you only to stab you in the back as soon as you turn around but are always more popular than the people who refuse to gossip, the system that gives a Php3000 stipend to people who wear Havaiannas and kipling and have expensive state-of-the-art laptops, and Php2000 to those whose parents don't have jobs. I'm sick of life's injustice.
Three people are getting kicked out. I hate these people but I still don't want the class I'm in to be incomplete... Actually, I don't even really care about them. If anything, it's their damn fault. Vasquez and JB? They cut class (to play DOTA or eat) and when they are in class they're asleep. John Dave? Ugh. He's, like, pitiful. It's annoying. You know how you're attracted to people with confidence? His lack of confidence was repulsive. *sigh* I'll still miss them though...
I'm pathetic. I don't even know what to type here. I just feel like I have so much to express. I guess because I haven't blogged in a long time, the feelings have gotten all mixed up. Well, I'm ina sad, empty mood right now. I feel like... I don't know. Nothing. I can sense the emotions beneath the surface but I guess I've gotten so used to pushing them back and hiding them that I can't let them out. (Damn, I hope I won't need professinal therapy. Retail isn't working like it used to... Or is that just cuz the budget's too small?)
You see what I mean? I really am bipolar. The emotions I faked have become real from constant use. I want to stop. Stop everything and go back to when things were so much simpler. To the times when popularity didn't matter because everyone was friends and nobody cared whether I was rich or poor. Hell, they don't even realize my current schoolbag is Burberry or that my perfume is Envy by Gucci. They don't know who Chanel, Ferragamo, Valentino or Saint-Laurent are!!! But already they think I'm rich. I wonder what they'd do if they knew just how true that is, by their standards of course. Those ~~idiots~~ people think those SM Department Store brands, Cose or Crissa or whatever are expensive. LOL. By normal standards, we're, maybe, upper-middle class. Most people at school are either lower-middle class or upper-lower class. There are other people who are maybe upper-middle class and lower-upper class, they get judged too, rich.
I hate that word. It's what jealous poverty-stricken people, the kind who bathe in Villar's "dagat ng basura", call those who are better off than them so they can mooch. We may have more money than them but we worked hard for it, from (dad's side) my great-grandparents planting rice, to my grandparents selling some of that land to send my dad to Med School, to my dad's late night study sessions and missing parties to save money back then, and now me, ok, maybe I don't have to work that hard, but that's one of the things my parents work hard to achieve, an easier life for me. See, we started at about the same place they are, farmers. But wise decisions and hard work got us a house in Ledesco, 3 cars, designer bags, overseas vacations and decent clothes, unlike certain other people, Ugh, my eyes burn... If maybe some of my classmates and their parents and grandparents saved up and say stopped buying, say, beer, cigarettes, and Havaiannas (which considering how "poor" they are, they shouldn't be able to afford).
But, I'll stop this rant now. I'll have to put up with them for another year, according to my image-conscious father. You'd think by now, he'd realize he'd save himself a shitload of time and trouble by just giving me what I want when I first ask for it. I guess now I'm gonna have to do something that'll get me kicked out... The school year's almost over, I have to start being a bad girl and doubletime with the damage. *insert evil laugh here*

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
5:07 PM