Suppressed Sorrow

God, I can't take it anymore. My books got confiscated when they busted my locker (since you have to get a new locker every year). And BTW, I really liked that lock. So I can't get enrolled. I'm dead. Freakin' dead. Basically, my academic life is at a standstill and all I can do is try to keep my sanity. Which is becoming increasingly harder with every word that comes out of my parents' mouths.
Don't they realize I'm stressed out enough without having to get lectured? Yes, I know the cramming puts them at an inconvenience, but I wanted to do it by myself. They're the ones who somehow need to be able to control where I go. I feel like I can't breathe. In fact, right now, I kinda wish I couldn't so maybe I would pass out for a little while, maybe even die, and be able to escape this horrible, horrible world I am forced to live in.
Right now, what, or should I say who, I really need is someone who is willing to help me and not judge. Thank God, there was one person today who did actually help, which is more than I can say for the so-called support group I have who are all so excited about the YFC covenant whatever thing that they don't seem to care much about anything else. (Oh, and showing off their devoutness and I don't know whatever.)
I am actually really mad at them. I mean I know I should expect this. I mean last year I decided I would try to avoid them and hang out with Camille, Jude, Shiema, Jessa, etc. But the whole COQC thing kinda brought us back together. Honestly, almost everybody in our class hates or dislikes Diana at some level. I used to be slightly oblivious to this but now I know why.
She likes to show off. Even when there isn't really anything to show. She just acts so KSP sometimes. Her voice is usually pretty loud (especially when she laughs, which really pisses me off now).
She acts like and probably thinks she's "different" from everyone else. Somehow better. Honestly, she kinda looks down on everybody. Not really looks down but more like, if something goes wrong, it's all their fault and she's the one most inconvenienced. She doesn't really care about the opinions of other people except for the ones that may affect her directly. I don't mean that in the good, be-yourself-no-matter-who-everyone-else-wants-you-to-be way. I mean more of an I-don't-give-a-shit-about-your-feelings kinda way.
I hate how she acts all proud and better-than-thou because she's poor, comes from an abusive family, and is in YFC. Like it means she's emotionally stronger than everyone else. I can name at least one group of people who are stronger still. Her friends, the ones who actually put up with all her conceited crap because they know she has the potential to be a better person.
First of all, proud of being poor? Really? Kinda like how you always have your really outdated Nokia out to show you're not at all insecure about having such a shitty cellphone, all the while bragging about your brother's high-paying job at Nokia that gives him the latest in smartphone tech? Well, he obviously can't get you a new phone now can he?
Second, what kind of psycho brags about being abused? (And acting insulted when someone actually felt empathy and told her what her parents were.) Are you seriously proud of that? Having a dad who likes to beat you and your brother up for no reason? Oh, but you know he only does it cuz he loves you right? Like you love him, right? That's why you always boss him around over the phone to do your Research for you. After all, you can do whatever you want here in Iloilo. He can't throw a punch at you that far, right?
And last, you're actually showing off the fact that you love God. News flash, honey, everybody does. And if someone doesn't, well, they're not likely to be impressed. And besides, it's not like you do any actual, you know, charitable acts. All you ever really do is sing off-key and chant like a member of some cult. ( I mean absolutely no offense to other YFC's who actually do some of God's work outside of a covenant or general assembly.) It's like that old parable thing in the Bible, where the God loves the tax collector who weeps at the sidelines praying for forgiveness more than the Pharisee (or something) who loudly thanks the Lord for his holiness in the spotlight.
If you watch Gossip Girl, you know that at one time, Georgina Sparks found Jesus and was 'saved'. You'll also know she once tried to blackmail Serena van der Woodsen into being her friend with a video of them with a guy who died from an overdose while the three of them were doing drugs. And when that didn't work, she tried to sleep with Serena's then boyfriend Dan Humphrey.
Anyway, getting off-track... What I'm trying to say is, calling herself a "Youth for Christ", is an insult to Christian principles. And, Jesus forgive me for what I'm about to say, I honestly think she should become Muslim, that way her twisted sense of religion might push her to, like, jihad, or you know suicide bombing. And at least the world would be rid of her.

Life's complicated. Nothing's gonna change that...
10:43 PM